And sometimes the puzzle does NOT come together in the end.

My sleepless body lifts itself out of bed, the days of high school dwindle and flake away.
Around me people are alive, laughing and smiling.
Although they do not posses anchored happiness and they fail to see that...
But it does not matter.

So quickly are relationships rushed into and escalated that there is no steel upon which the concrete is laid.
I have witnessed and taken part in choices and behaviors that I do not agree with. That is my own mistake.
The oppressive tug and pull of daily drama tears at my seams.

The sleepless nights provide me no strength to tolerate this and once that energy is used up I have even less left to put on a show for everyone.

I stop to look at this and question it.
This is high school.

High school does not work for me.

The immaturity is overbearing.
I am disappointed.

I have to sit for a while and stare deep into the looking glass.
Beyond the black circles and faded make up.

To what extent to I place the blame upon myself?
In the game of life there are not right or wrong choices.
In the game of life, we all win.
In the game of life, we all loose.

My eyes are the most indistinguishable color... A murky mixture of muted green and brown and yellow.
It baffles people.
Funny Jesus, very funny.

I don't want to pretend anymore.
The ability to feign is in my blood.

I make too many of my own mistakes to be this critical...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry friends. I'm sorry everyone.

How do you do what is right when it is all so hideously wrong?

Hey, so glad you could make it.

I am in quite a state of... strangeity... at the moment.
My equilibrium is off balance. Yes, it must be.
The intensive feeling of un-desire is washing over me.
The few things I want, I cannot have.

And yes I AM making up my own words- thank you.

There is something beautiful about having the perfect people in your life.
Something wonderful about comfort without questions.

I don't think I am in the right place.
Amongst the right people.
My body and my spirit cry for so much more.

Deepness of connection- of understanding, of intellectual compatibility.

There is just so much to say and so many deaf ears upon witch it will fall.

Break a Leg Upon the Now Shattered Ice

The inevitable theatrical theme, which this blog may appear to be infused with, is simply my laziness... I stole the "offstageincident" bit from a friend who was helping me brainstorm Deviant Art names and such, so no, not stole, just used. Although I find myself deeply attached to it because that friend is now on a missions trip in Mexico for two years AND the majority of my life is spent upon a stage. So this, in turn, is simply an incident off of the stage on which I reside.

My spelling and grammatical abilities are flawed- so terribly sorry.

There is so much to say.

This is my first blog- I have protested them for so long, just as I did with Facebook and Myspace and even further back...AIM.

So much for that.


Well, I have broken the ice...

I may tranfer some posts inbetween Facebook and this new bit- who knows.
Still learning.


I am not feeling this post any longer.